Old Lady Test

Greetings all. Steve got to tell you all about our lack luster roller derby outing so I guess I’ll ramble a bit about…oh I don’t know…how about baby? As an expecting mother at the ripe age of 35, I’ve breached the threshold of higher probability for everything scary that could happen in the development of your child. I have to say I’ve stayed relatively calm over this or rather avoided the whole reality of it…but I did catch the end of The Fly the other day and my imagination went a little off the deep end.

There are tests you can take to confirm the health of baby, aptly called The Old Lady Tests. I took mine yesterday. Basically all it is is a blood test and the results are based on the proteins your baby is putting into your system. Yes, the little one must go potty somewhere. Apparently the test has an accuracy rating of like 70% and you will have a better idea if baby is normal, or a fly. But, here is the rub. Doc says that false positives are fairly common, so if I get a positive it doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong. Ok? This is supposed to settle my unease?

I think I am supposed to get a call today with the results. Doc said, when I was in over a week ago, that I should hear the day after the test, so today. Did I ever tell you patience is not my best virtue? Fortunately my dreams last night were not stress baby/fly dreams. In fact they were adventure dreams about skiing and running around in a prairie dress occasionally taking flight and cooking a steak with my grandpa. Good dreams.

The phone will not be out of my sight today. I’ll keep myself busy. I hope they call soon. Maybe now…. Maybe now? Now. Ok how about….NOW!

4 thoughts on “Old Lady Test”

  1. Take a deep breath…now blow it out…again…and blow…close your eyes and imagine yourself beside a nice babbling brook in a peaceful forest with the sunshine shining through the canopy in various places all around you…a nice warm breeze rustling the leaves…the birds chirping in the background…peaceful nature all around… There do you feel better? Enjoy it and stop worrying so much! Love ya!

  2. If you don’t get a call today, then give them a call tomorrow. You have that right, you know. And – ditto Mom’s verbage. We come from great genes. I managed to pass with flying colors and so will you:)!

  3. Well I called at about 3:00 and asked about the turn around time on the test. Turns out the RN says that it takes 3 or 4 days. So, I’ll wait. and wait… and wait….

  4. Hi Jess, Although I do realize the seriousness of the tests and your worry I couldn’t help but chuckle as I read this. My best friend friend AZ. started her family after me so she just finished up with baby number 4. Anyway I’ll never forget when she called me MORTIFIED that her file had a special sticker on it this time that said boldly “A.M.A.”. When she inquired as to what this meant to her horror she found out it meant “Advanced Maternal Age”!! OH NO!! How could this be?? We’re still cool right?? –Needless to say after all the special tests for ‘Mature Hard Boiled 35 year old Eggs’ little Johnnie is a perfectly healthy baby boy! Keep the blogs coming! Love ya, Sam

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