Greetings all. It’s early. And I’m a bit cranky. I’ve got a new nightly routine it seems. I zonk out super early, sleep for three or four hours, get up and eat some cereal, try for an hour to fall back asleep, sleep two more hours maybe, and I’m up. Ya, ya I’ve heard it all before – “oh that’s practice for the baby” “get used to that””ha ha welcome to my world”. Well, in a nutshell, it sucks. You see the baby isn’t here yet. I’ve got several more months to slumber away, to relish in my selfish monster sleep marathons, and I’m getting screwed.
I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like a complete arse, but I’ve been fiercely independent for all of my life. It’s been my identity to a degree. Commitments haven’t been my strong suit, yet I’ve made two life commitments in two months. Sometimes I feel like a deer in headlights stunned and not sure what to do. Now don’t get me wrong I am very very happy with what is happening in my life – but that fiercely independent side still wants to be recognized. See what this lack of sleep is doing to me? It’s making me question myself. Who am I now if I’m not the person I was before? Can both coexist? Next time you see me will I have cut off all my hair and shop solely at Schweser’s?
I think a lot of this unnecessary personal struggle is the fact that I’m not feeling much control of anything right now. Really the only thing I have somewhat control of is putting the house together and I suck at it. I have basic control in my career, but even that is hairy since the budget hasn’t come out – who would be first on the chopping block, yours truly. And now… I’ve lost the control of my body to a baby.
Ok, enough already, I’m creating drama. Woe is me, my life is great but yet I bitch….
I imagine I am not alone in this questioning of self. If I wanted to I could wax philosophic but I got burned out on philosophy and almost went crazy over analyzing every little thing back in the day. So, instead I’ll say, “Can it toots…and go back to bed.”
Hi lady! Long time, no talk. Congrats on the baby! Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time, but glad to hear you’re doing well overall. Do you know what you’re having? Cause I could take a guess based on personal experience. Unfortunately the lack-of-sleep thing gets a lot worse before it ever starts to get better. It is SO worth it in the end though. Hang in there and try to enjoy it! After working at the Visitor Center, I’m sure you can handle anything that comes your way. =) Take care!
Hiya Momma Cindy! I don’t know what the baby is yet. It is driving me crazy!!! I want to be in baby room mode and I feel like I need to know what baby will be to get started, again that control thing – so take a guess please. Then I will furnish and if your wrong I’ll take a check…ha. Looks to me your kiddos are just adorable and definitely a handful. I am ready for the challenge but this whole waiting and creating business is so slow:) I’m impatient as it is! I got some coffee (prego mix) and some cinnamon toast in me and my outlook is better than earlier. Wish you were closer! Stay in touch!
Hi Jess, Sounds like all and all you are doing amazing and feeling a lot like Stacia did when pregnant with Ben. One thing to remember and it will help keep your sanity is never forget this baby not only picked but came to live with you, you did not go to live with it. That in mind you can conquer all the time you wonder how such a tiny, beautiful, and amazing thing can cause such disruption. Keep going your almost to the point where your body equalizes out and feel more like yourself again. At least being awake now you only have to feed and burp yourself at 2am. Embrace, enjoy, and one day at a time. :). Can’t wait to see picks of the newest Fleming-Korgie!
Thanks for the good advice Carol. Momma of TWIN boys everyone!! I appreciate the viewpoint of Baby K picking us. It is a real privilage isn’t it. Makes me feel all special. Great to hear from you Carol. Again, Momma of TWINS!!
Just wanted to say Hahahaha! There now, I’ve said it. Great blogging, it takes me back..Love ya Jess!