“Our state fair is a great state fair…”

Well I went to the Nebraska state fair tonight with my cousin Carly and a couple of her friends. If you like to people watch like I do then the fair is the place to go. Here’s the counts…

26 dinner plate belt buckles

2 rhinestone shirts

Countless cowboy hats

1 guy with a red mohawk pulling around a little red wagon

Countless shit kickin’ boots

1 girl wearing nothing but a bra (nice)

Countless jailbait girls in their “f**k me” outfits

1 90 pound nasty skinny guy being led around by his 450 pound nasty girlfriend

Countless people who had bad body odor

1 old guy on a Rascal scooter with black socks pulled up past his knees

7 Mexican girls who all looked exactly alike walking around together (if I had to pick a single one out of the group to save my life I couldn’t do it)

47 times that Jessica gawked at some random guy walking by and saying “Oh my god, he is so hot.” Seriously she is bad, her head would snap around like a dog running full speed on a long rope and reaching the end of it. (You’ve all seen a dog do that haven’t you?) At least when I check out a hot girl I am a little more subtle about it. (except while drinking)

3 pro BMX skaters that were in the X games

Countless girls who were so hot I would cut off my pinkie finger if they would just talk to me without laughing and yelling “GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LOSER!”

1 camel

I seriously wanted to ride the camel and get a picture taken on it but Jessica called me a dork. She just doesn’t understand stupid fun like I do. The things I cherish most are the dumbest things, like my autographed photo of Steve Gutenberg. Yea, the guy from Police Academy. (He was in 3 Men and a Baby too but that doesn’t count because it was stupid)

We went to a concert. Thank god it was free. It was Chris Cagle. Apparently he is a big deal in the country music world. I’ve heard some of his songs but since I despise country music my opinion was that it sucked. After the third song I went out and got chicken on a stick and walked around a little until Carly and her friends were done. The only reason I stayed that long was because I was looking at the ass of a super hot girl in the row in front of me. After she got up to go get something there was nothing to keep my attention. Carly was freaking out wondering where I went like it’s a big deal or something.

After they got done with that we all went around to the rides and games and stuff. I don’t know if I have ever told anyone this but it is my dream to become a carney. I think I got the lingo down… “HEYHEYHEYHEY! HEY BUDDY! COME WIN A PRIZE! GET THAT GIRL YOU’RE WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN SORE FEET!” Sounds easy enough. Think of all the travel to exotic places like Nebraska, Iowa, and Kansas… well maybe it doesn’t sound like such a good idea. I would need to do a whole lotta bathtub speed to get into that group. Plus I don’t smell enough like cabbage… Why does life always crush my dreams?