Scared to Ecstatic!

Greetings all. Steve had mentioned in the post before that I have nothing left to say. Well, the well does not goeth dry. I had, let us say, a stay of activity due to surpassed stress from those stupid Old Lady tests. I am AMA – which in doctor talk is Advanced Maternal Age and puts me in a high risk category right off the bat. And I fretted for two weeks until our appointment up at UNMC yesterday. Nothing like an appointment at a university hospital to make a sour neurosis. Steve was calm as a cucumber with a no problem attitude and thank god for that! I was so scared something was wrong with the baby I did all my homework to figure out before hand what the technician would look for, called markers, during the ultrasound that might indicate further testing. I believe I could fill in at UNMC as an ultrasound tech now if needed. The tech had to look at basically every aspect of the baby, not your usual ultrasound I guess. Measuring bones, looking at internal organs, facial features, fluids and as the baby was rolling over I said, “Oh My God its a boy!” I looked at Steve and said, “Did you see that?!” and he was like, “what?” and missed the BIG reveal! The tech said, “Well, I was going to wait to tell you till the end….” She was really great, her name was Kim. It is not a tech’s job to diagnose, that’s for the doctor. But she was great at giving hints, probably she saw me scrutinizing the scanning very hard. She’d say, “the kidneys are hard to find…that’s a good thing *wink*” or, “the long bones she was measuring, were very long *wink*”. Every potential marker to indicate that something might be amiss passed with flying colors. And before the doctor came in to share his professional opinion she said,”well, I’m not the doctor but he looks pretty good to me, and big!” (I may need to cut out the jelly beans and skittles so baby won’t bust out of me before he’s due.)

Then the doctor came in. I really liked him. He had the casual bedside manner of a laid back baby boomer who once was a devout Kerouac reader. He chatted with us and basically said if I hadn’t of gotten the Old Lady tests and I had just come in as a typical patient that he’d look at our boy and say everything was on target and see ya next time. The amount of relief I felt was unsurpassed! And my husband knew our baby was fine the whole time and allowed me to feel everything I needed to to get through the agony of the unknown. He truly is my better half.

So, now I can get back to life and hit the reset button of my emotions and continue with all the things I had put on the back-burner. Namely, the idealistic nesting I envision, but question the follow through…ha. This may shock, perhaps even make you question if I am still the same Jess. I got…a sewing machine. I know, I know, I damn near failed Home Ec in high school with the complete inability to sew a stupid dress…and now…I want to make prego dresses? I ordered vintage 1960 patterns of a tent dress, a sundress, and yes…a moo moo. I can picture myself all fat and sassy sporting a comfy cute dress and flip-flops tending my flower garden bright and alive, watering can in hand, humming to my baby boy. It is a nice picture, isn’t it?