The sky is falling!

I was wondering why in the matter of a couple months I lost every cent I’ve made in my 401k in the last 2 and a half years and am now in the hole. Now I have my answer.

Jamie Lynn Spears Says She’s Pregnant

NEW YORK (AP) — Another Spears baby is reportedly on the way — and it’s not Britney’s. Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old “Zoey 101” star and sister of Britney, told OK! magazine that she’s pregnant and that the father is her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

“It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected,” she said. “I was in complete and total shock and so was he.”

Spears is 12 weeks along and initially kept the news to herself when she learned of the pregnancy from an at-home test and subsequent doctor visit, she told the celebrity magazine, which hits stands in New York on Wednesday and the rest of the country by Friday.

What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? “I definitely don’t think it’s something you should do; it’s better to wait,” she told the magazine. “But I can’t be judgmental because it’s a position I put myself in.”

After she found out from a doctor that she was pregnant, she said, “I took two weeks to myself where I didn’t tell anybody.”

“Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone’s opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me,” she said.

Spears broke the news to her mother, Lynne, just before Thanksgiving, the magazine reported.

“She was very upset because it wasn’t what she expected at all,” Spears said. “A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive.”

Lynne Spears, already grandmother to Britney’s young sons, told the magazine: “I didn’t believe it because Jamie Lynn’s always been so conscientious. She’s never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby.”

She said her actress daughter, the telegenic heroine of her popular Nickelodeon series, has known Aldridge for years and began dating him in high school.

But in a recent interview with The Associated Press, Spears said she had no steady boyfriend. “I kind of just keep my options open,” she said. “I have a bunch of friends that I always hang out with, a bunch of guy friends.” She declined to talk about her older sister.

Spears spoke to the AP shortly before Thanksgiving, the day she told OK! she informed her mother about the pregnancy.

Jamie Lynn plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana — “so it can have a normal family life.”

Nickelodeon released a statement: “We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”

A publicist for the network did not immediately respond to phone and e-mail requests for additional comment.

“Zoey 101” is scheduled to conclude its third season Jan. 4 with a cliffhanger episode in which Spears’ character must decide whether to leave her fictional Pacific Coast Academy boarding school in California to join her parents in London.

The show is scheduled to resume in February, and its producer, Dan Schneider, has said filming on the fourth season has already been completed.

I mean it can’t be a coincidence right? Jamie Lynn gets knocked up… the world falls into turmoil, markets crash, tsunamis and floods strike all over the world, insurgency rises in Iraq and Afganastan… right? Well that’s the way the news seems to work in this country anyway. The most pointless stuff is fed to us as “news”. In all seriousness though… who cares? It happened 415,408 times in 2004 which is the latest year I could find data on without really putting in any work to find it. I never saw them on the covers of any magazines. Oh Jamie Lynn, you were just about to hit your peak age of 17 where everyone in the media would be jabbering about how hot you are and how you were almost “legal”, only to turn 18 and have them all say “oh shes legal now… umm ok then… how old is Hannah Montana now?” I’m still debating on whether her kid will be messed up or not. On the plus side I’m sure she has plenty of money which puts her in a better position than probably 414,000 of those other teenage mothers. On the other hand she’s from a fucked up hick family and will most likely spend it all on methamphetamines and cocaine and turn bat shit crazy like her sister. I kind of feel sorry for the father too. He knows that she’s hot now but look how that family turns out when they get older. Plus, I bet his friends mess with him and call him K-Fed or K-Fed’s brother or say shit like “Hey Casey, how’s your dad K-Fed doing?”. Man that would suck.

Meanwhile in a completely unrelated note, I’ve got 34 hours of overtime this week so… that’s… craptastic I guess. 82 hours of work in the next 7 days before I have a day off and my vacation starts. Vacation is uncraptastic!